Growing up, whenever my mom made chicken, my brothers and I would always get excited about the wishbone, that strange and symbolic bone from the chicken, that somehow magically releases power to the person holding on to the bigger piece when broken. I have no idea how we decided which 2 of the 3 of us would get to break it, nor do I really remember specific wishes I made or whether or not they came true. I just remember the ritual and the excitement that surrounded it.

Little did I know, a couple of decades later, I would break my shoulder-blade in rather silly bicycle accident on my way home from school and release a tremendous amount of much-needed transformative magic. Three weeks ago, I started a journey of learning, growth, and of course healing. I was forced into dependency, from helper to being helped. I was reminded of the endless generosity of those around me – from the angelic stranger who saw the accident and helped me get to my feet and to the right hospital, to my life partner and soul-mate who graciously nursed me back to health. And I was finally able to re-evaluate my perspectives on and relationships with my performance at school, which had been creating a great deal of anxiety for me.

First a note on perspectives. Breaking my scapula in a bike accident on my way home was a neutral event. Painful, yes. Disruptive to the previous flow of my life, yes. Challenging and traumatic, yes. Bad, no. Could it have been worse, of course, but is that way I should make myself feel better? When people, in their attempt to share sympathy, used phrases like “Bad Luck,” or “that’s too bad” I was reminded of the story of an old man in a village, whose horse runs away. All the villagers come to comfort him, “We’re sorry your horse ran away! It’s such bad luck.” “We’ll see,”  the old man would reply. A few days later his son comes back with the lost horse. All the villagers come over, “What great luck! You got your horse back! We’re so happy for you!” “We’ll see,” said the old man again. The next day, the horse falls on his son and breaks his son’s leg. Once again the villagers run over, “We’re so sorry, such terrible news!” “Maybe,” replies the father. A week later the military comes to draft all young and able bodied men, his son cannot be drafted because he has a broken leg. Such good luck! Who knows. I don’t advocate being dispassionate about life, but I do believe strongly that our attitudes about the things that manifest in our lives are tremendously powerful.

I guess one of the lessons here for me as a future healer is to remember this when treating people. Never to feel sorry for anyone or judge their experience as good or bad. I didn’t want people’s pity, I wanted their assistance and compassion. Maybe there’s a fine line, maybe it’s a difficult space to navigate, but nonetheless I think it may be very important. I also need to remember how hard it was for me to ask for help, even from my teachers and friends, who I’m sure wanted to help me, both so that in the future when I need help I don’t let the challenge of asking for it stop me, and so that I can hold the awareness of the difficulty of asking for help that some of my future patients may have.

Of course there are also a number of lessons here on how Chinese Medicine fits into treating trauma as well. First, let’s remember that I went to a hospital, got x-rays, saw a doctor, and got analgesic medication, and that these are all really important things to do in any case of trauma. However, post-initial Western/Biomedical trauma treatment, there are a number of internal and external herbal treatments that can help increase circulation and reduce inflammation and help the body heal faster and with less difficulty. Acupuncture can also help calm the mind and spirit, and direct the bodies healing potential in ways that can help make the whole experience more manageable (Remember that a lot of this medicine evolved amongst the martial artists who suffered plenty of traumatic injuries in their practicing). So if you, or anyone you know is involved in a traumatic event please consider exploring Chinese Medicinal options. It can also be helpful for caretakers to manage their stress and anxiety related to the experience. I’m currently taking an herbal supplement called bone-knitting powder as well as trying to get a lot of calcium and vitamin D in my diet.

Another interesting thing about this whole episode was it’s timing: the week before finals and two weeks before comprehensive exams and my winter break. I like to do well in school. I have done well my whole life, and I’ve grown to see my performance at school as a reflection of me and my value. Intellectually, I’ve been aware that my grades aren’t really important and reflect only a tiny fraction of my expression of self into the world. The value that they have and thus their power over me (to make me feel anxious and stressed), is value and power that I give to them. This intellectual awareness of this was not enough to translate into an emotional embodiment of it – meaning, even thought I knew that, I would still feel anxious about exams and grades etc. Breaking a bone shook me up enough to allow me to realize emotionally what I already knew intellectually about grades and performance at school – and that is when and how I regained my power to choose what I give value to and how much value each things get.

Apparently, the wishbone is called by many the Thanksgiving bone because the ritual of breaking it is often reserved for that holiday. I have to say that while it may sound strange, my overall sentiment surrounding this experience is one of gratitude. Because this extreme shift in the trajectory of my life has lead to a tremendous amount of the growth and learning, and because it’s a lesson I get to carry with me in my body – my own thanksgiving wishbone. Perhaps it makes sense that all of this happened the day I got back from my Thanksgiving break.

Much thanks to all those who helped and assisted me in my recovery, who had me in their thoughts, who made things easier for me.

Happy Wholesome Holidays full of Light, Love, and Joy to all.